Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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