Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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