everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
