she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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