if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
