We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
