I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We are all done wearing pants today
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
