he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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