I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize