WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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