I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
