I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
well most of my day revolves around power hour
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
