fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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