bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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