the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize