ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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