he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
