oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
