and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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