if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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