why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Your cock deserves a montage
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
