I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
