Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
my shit smells like andre
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
