Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
