You're my little dorito
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
