Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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