just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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