its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
