how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
