WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
