I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
