Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
