she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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