I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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