I need help removing her.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
