He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
