That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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