i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
This toilet bowl is my home.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
