And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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