she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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