he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you will always have a special place in my vag
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
