my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
