It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
