he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
