ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
