her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
it hurts more in the daytime
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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