Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Randomize
