don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize