The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
