I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
