Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
