i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize