So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
