So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
