look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
