so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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