Already got asked if we're dating
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
