1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he was CRYING into my vagina
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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