I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
