I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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