I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
