i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
