The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
