Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
