How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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