I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
