Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
be right there i have to get my cape
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
