Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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