I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
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