She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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