Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
