we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
