I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
