I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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