I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
