I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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