My room smells like vodka and shame
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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