you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
