Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
