It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
