Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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