she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We named our party play list daddy issues
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
