Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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