That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
