yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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