Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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