cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize