I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
