That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize