you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
