the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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