There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize