return my video game
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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