I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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