I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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