Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
and you fell through a lawn chair
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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