All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
