and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
