So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
