there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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