its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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