Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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