i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
