I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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